Raw Sueage
by TitianWren
Summary: [oneshot] MarySue... er, Lilli is in over her head. Way over her head.


**Dedication: This fic is lovingly dedicated to Lavender Valentine and Kyia Star, who obviously aren't keeping me busy enough. It's never a good thing for me to be bored.**

**Disclaimer: _InuYasha_ and all characters therein are the intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi. Lilli, however, belongs to me, and I'm willing to sell her to the highest bidder. Any takers? No? Well, I'll have to dispose of her somehow...**

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Raw Sueage _**

**Prologue: Arrival**

My heart was heavy as we approached the mist-swathed shores, our well-crafted ship gliding smoothly through the rippling water. I pulled my long cloak tighter around me, wondering what lay in store for me on those unknown hills, wondering what I had done to deserve this punishment.

No sooner was our craft moored than I was shoved roughly forward. "Go on, get off!" A squat, disagreeable little man kicked me with his bare, hairy foot. "And if we ever catch you in Middle Earth again, you'll sorely regret it, that I promise you!"

I fell into the shallow water with a splash and trudged despondently to the sandy beach ahead. No other words were spoken as the crew moved their elvish vessel away from the shore, leaving me stranded without a backward glance. Crystal tears streamed down my porcelain cheeks, dripping gracefully to my sodden feet as I watched them go, the last, hostile remnant of my former life.

I was alone, abandoned in a strange, foreign land, banished from my previous adopted home by injustice and jealousy. My crime? Merely the desire to love and to be loved in return. Surely the object of my adoration was as sorrowful as I at our separation; we were torn apart before our love could fully blossom, and we were both severely punished for desiring forbidden fruit: I had been exiled, and he had been sent on a futile quest to the most dangerous part of the land. I recalled the whispered rumors of a precious ring, and how my heart ached when I heard them. Had I known my beloved intended to propose, I would have fought tooth and nail to stay by his side! Instead, I had accepted my lot gracefully; after all, I had practice in this area.

Tragedy has always been an integral part of my life.

I shivered in the cool morning air, wondering what trials this new land - this new life - would bring. A moment later, I shook off my feelings of melancholy and straightened my shoulders. Fate had brought me here. Surely there was a purpose for my advent to these shores. With renewed determination, I turned inland and set off in search of some sort of civilization. Perhaps here I could start life anew and live it to its fullest. Perhaps here, love was not considered a crime. Perhaps here, people would accept me for who I truly was, their hearts untainted by jealousy or malice.

This was a new land, but it was now my home, and I decided to make the best of it.

**…**

In the first three weeks, I learned much of the local population. The village I came to, it seemed, was at the heart of a silent war that revolved around a shattered jewel. The land teemed with demons and with shard-hunters, and it didn't take long for me to learn the true history concerning these things.

If I have any real weakness, it is my overwhelming need to help others. When I learned of this legendary hunt for the Shikon, I felt a burning desire within myself to participate, to assist those on the side of goodness and purity. I had caught glimpses of the travelers as they passed through the village, and I knew instantly that Fate intended my path to follow theirs.

More importantly, I felt a firm premonition that my true love, my purpose for living, would be found among their ranks. I had only recently been parted from my former love, certainly, but I knew he would want me to move on with my life rather than pine away for him. Destiny ruled my existence now, and I would not be one to waylay it.

To love and to be loved - what greater aspiration could there be in life? I was determined to find my soul mate, and to save the world. Would anyone else, blessed with my beauty and talents, attempt to do otherwise?

**Target One: Inuyasha**

I was drawn to the hanyou of the group, but it wasn't just because of his soft ears or his beautiful silver locks. Admittedly my fingers itched to rub his ears, and my mind couldn't help but think on how lovely his mane of hair would look entwined with my own shimmering, silvery-pink tresses. Above all, though, I was drawn to his spirit, his very being. He was part human and part demon, but belonged to neither world, forever an outcast.

Just like me.

I felt his pain, that sensation of never truly belonging, of never feeling akin to anyone else. I had always hidden my own torment behind a facade of cheerfulness, but the moment I laid eyes on the hanyou's brooding visage, an immediate connection sprang up between us, like kismet. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, I could see, whereas I had kept mine concealed. Essentially, though, we were one and the same.

I heard his story from one of the villagers, and my heart ached for him. _Inuyasha_. The name had a wild flavor to it, and I loved the way it rolled so effortlessly from my tongue. I went about making preparations to meet up with him, to convince him that I was worthy of his trust. He was surprisingly difficult to find alone, always being followed around by one of his female companions, a strange girl who wore ridiculously short skirts, flaunting her perfect legs for all the world to see...

My Inuyasha was too smart to be easily taken in by such wiles, though I will admit they would make a cute couple if things didn't work out between us. That girl, Kagome, was incessantly by his side, however, and I began to despair of ever meeting my hanyou.

The opportunity presented itself a week after he first caught my eye. I discovered him sitting in a wide field as though meditating, an old, dry well nearby. I approached from behind, anticipation welling up within my stomach in the form of a thousand delicate butterflies. More than once I nearly turned and fled, but I was able to quell my fear and stick to my task. I refused to run from Fate.

My hanyou sniffed the air twice, then whirled glaring at me with his fiery amber eyes. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

I wanted to take him in my arms, soothe away his pain and let him know that I would always be there for him. One step at a time, though.

"My name is Lilliputia Daintyfoot," I informed him, my dulcet voice no doubt honey to his adorable ears. "You may call me Lilli."

"I _may_ call you 'bitch,'" he retorted, folding his arms in his sleeves. The appellation took me by surprise at first, but then I recalled that he was an inuhanyou. By labeling me such, surely he was indicating that he felt the connection between us as well. I was heartened at the thought.

"Whaddaya want?"

"You and I have much in common, Inuyasha," I said, stepping closer.

He bristled. "How the hell did you know my name?"

Silently cursing my little slip-up, I fumbled about for an answer. "Word of you has traveled far and wide across the country. I have heard much of your bravery. You bring much hope to my heart. You see, I am hanyou as well."

I expected him to soften at my admission, but instead he just wrinkled his nose. "Who're you trying to kid? You don't smell like a hanyou, just like a flowery human."

I had not anticipated this. Apparently the demons and hanyou of this land could smell their own kind. "I am hanyou," I averred, pointing to my own set of ears atop my head. I flicked one slightly for show. "I smell of flowers because my father was a leader of the Lotus-Blossom Panther-Demon Tribe. He fell in love with my beautiful human mother and sacrificed everything to be with her."

"You ain't hanyou, and that ain't no lotus blossom I'm smelling," Inuyasha pronounced. "You smell like that cheap perfume Miroku always reeks of when he comes back from a tea house. And as for your ears," he added, "those aren't even real!" Before I could so much as respond, he had leapt forward, plucking at the ears atop my head. To my great horror, he roughly pulled them off, along with something infinitely more precious.

I gasped in shock, unable to move as the hanyou stared at the object in his hand with an expression of pure confusion. The next instant, I regained my wits. "Give that back!" I shouted, lunging forward. "My beautiful hair!"

Inuyasha, though, jumped back beyond my reach, pulling the panther ears from my silvery-pink tresses. "Sorry. I didn't realize it was a wig," he stated, tossing the silken bundle back at me. "That's a pretty bad case of scurvy you've got going there. You should eat more citrus."

"Shut up," I snarled, jamming my lovely locks back onto my head. This definitely wasn't working out as I had planned. "Now give me back my ears, too."

"Why? You have perfectly normal human ones." The next instant, he crushed the small objects in his claws.

"You cretin!" I screeched. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find animatronic panther ears in this economy? I paid good money for those!"

"Too much, if you ask me," he shrugged. "They were synthetic fur and cheaply made. Even Kagome wouldn't have been fooled by such poor workmanship."

Speaking of Kagome...

"Inuyasha!" Her voice sounded from the well, and we both turned to see a huge yellow backpack hoisted to the ground, followed by the petite girl herself. "Is everything all right?" she inquired, her blue-gray eyes shifting between myself and the hanyou.

I had never really looked at her before, but she was rather pretty standing there, her long hair rustling in the breeze. Obviously things were not going to work out between me and Inuyasha. A sudden thought occurred to me that perhaps my soul mate was a _woman_... After all, Fate had certainly led me to this point. Surely the shame I had experienced only a moment before was not in vain...

**Target Two: Kagome**

"Who's this?" she inquired, tucking one black lock behind her ear as she looked me over. My mouth was suddenly dry.

"Eh, she said her name was Liddy, or Libby, or..."

"Lilli," I hissed, shooting a venomous glare toward the hanyou. "You're Kagome, right?" I inquired, turning back with a sweet smile.

Her own smile was a bit forced, but polite nonetheless. I determined that she must be intimidated by my grace and beauty, so I set about trying to make friends with her. Friends first, after all... "I was hoping to join in your quest for the Shikon jewel," I informed her. Sidling up to her, I linked my arm in hers and whispered, "And I have a plan to get Inuyasha to admit his love for you."

It was obvious she had a crush on the hanyou, but he was a brute and would doubtless break her heart. I intended to be there to pick up the pieces and offer solace...

"How odd," Kagome stated, stiffly withdrawing herself from my grasp. "I could have sworn from the conversation I heard while climbing the well that you were hitting on him yourself not two minutes ago. Was that part of your plan?"

Well... this was awkward.

"Fine," I humphed. "If you don't want my help, I won't give it!" I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes as I stepped away from her. Rather than attempting to comfort me, she had the audacity to turn toward Inuyasha and roll her eyes.

I really had misjudged their characters, I decided as I flounced away into the nearby forest. They were both brutes, unworthy of my affection. Neither could possibly be my soul mate. I would just have to look elsewhere.

That night, I went for a walk to think long and hard about who among the shard hunters could possibly be my soul mate. Surely he (for I was now certain it was a _he_) should not be this difficult to find. We were meant to be together, after all.

"Destiny," I pleaded quietly, "please send me my love!"

It answered faster than I expected, bowling me over, slamming me into the ground and landing on top of me. I opened my lavender-purple eyes to peer into cerulean depths above me. I recognized them instantly.

**Target Three: Koga**

I had never before this moment considered the wolf demon, Koga, as a possible soul mate. How shrewd was Fate, leading me to the last person I would have expected! He really was perfect, with that rebellious, lone-wolf persona and rugged good looks. Plus, he was a _full_ demon, none of this half-breed garbage I had convinced myself to settle for.

I smiled up at him, enjoying the feel of his body against mine.

"Yo," he greeted me as he hopped to his feet, much to my disappointment. "Sorry about that. I didn't see you there."

"Th-that's all right," I stammered, feeling myself blush delicately as I sat up. The butterflies in my stomach whirled to life as I shifted a lock of my shimmering hair back behind one ear. I knew it would be glinting pink-silver in the pale moonlight, and I imagined how taken he must be by my feminine grace.

"You really shouldn't be out this late at night," Koga told me. "It's dangerous for humans."

My heart wanted to leap with joy. He was concerned about my welfare! "I can take care of myself," I assured him. "I know several different styles of hand-to-hand combat."

"Is that so?" he mused, crossing his manly arms over his chest. A brief image of myself enfolded within those arms flitted across my mind. "What're you doing out here, anyway?"

I decided to take a gamble. "I was looking for Shikon shards," I admitted demurely.

He didn't seem so much impressed as skeptical, and it deflated me a little. "In the dark?" he inquired.

"I can sense their presence," I offered, remembering something about Kagome having this ability. "I thought I sensed one nearby and came to investigate."

"Can you still sense it?" he asked eagerly, one hand coming to rest on my shoulder. I thrilled at his very touch.

"Alas," I sighed sadly, "no. It seems to have moved beyond my range of senses. There are no shards in this vicinity."

His hand suddenly withdrew, leaving my shoulder cold in the night air. "Except for the two in my legs," he stated with a decided frown. "You sure you can sense shards?"

Oops. "W-well, of course I can," I stammered. "I wasn't counting the two in your legs. Those were a given..."

"Hey," he interrupted, tilting his head to one side as he scrutinized me. "Are you that crazy chick that tried to convince Inuyasha she was a hanyou this afternoon? Your name's Milly, or something..."

"Lilli," I spat, my ardor suddenly growing cold.

"Oh yeah, Lilli. Nice wig, by the way."

This definitely was not going to work out.

**Target Four: Miroku**

The answer had been staring me in the face the whole time. I hadn't considered the human monk a possibility as a soul mate, mainly because he was human and a monk. After my dealings with demons and half-demons (and elves, for that matter), though, I concluded that Fate probably didn't mean for me to have an exotic companion. After all, I was human myself, though rumor had it there was fairy blood in my ancestry. Why should I presume to have a soul mate of another species?

Miroku had been away from the village for the last couple of days, performing an exorcism elsewhere. This was to my advantage, as he would not have heard the tales of my embarrassment at the hands of his so-called friends.

I determined to meet him on the road back, to assess whether he was suited to me. After all, I knew I was his type: I was beautiful and had a good-sized bust. Whether or not he was worthy of me, however, remained yet to be seen. In the face of my continued failures, I had grown more cautious in allowing hopes to spring up within my bosom.

Besides, he was a lecher, and there were rumors about him and that demon-slayer wench that traveled with the shard-hunters. I was confident that my charms would move him to fidelity, but I wanted to find out whether it was worth my effort.

I wrapped myself in my cloak, waiting by the roadside at dusk, knowing he was soon to pass this way. The jangling of his holy staff heralded his approach. He stopped short when he caught sight of me, no doubt stunned by my breathtaking beauty.

"My Lady," he murmured the next instant, stepping toward me with a gallant expression, "are you in need of some assistance?"

So far so good.

"Good monk, I am," I answered him, looking up into his sincere face, my own lavender-purple eyes lingering on his violet ones. "I am a sufferer of great tragedy."

He took my hands in his, concern radiating from him in warm waves. "Please, tell me all, and what I may do to comfort you."

"I am the last of a noble lineage, good monk," I intoned, tears coming to my eyes. "My kindred are all dead, and the burden of continuing my family's line rests solely upon my shoulders. I fear that I shall remain alone and barren forever, that no man will ever come to love me." Oh yeah, he was putty in my hands...

The next second, Miroku snatched his hands away from me and brained me with his staff. Sheer pain blossomed in my forehead and, far worse, I heard something pop.

"My glass eye!" I yelped, snatching at the object as it fell into the dust.

"Oh, I am so sorry!" the monk apologized, scrambling to pick up the round bauble. I covered my empty eye socket with one hand, glaring at him with my good eye and feeling a bruise forming on my forehead.

"Please forgive me," he stated, obviously trying not to laugh. "I thought you were a giant demon mantis hell-bent on eating me."

I wordlessly snatched my glass eye from his open palm and stalked off into the setting sun. He was so not worth my time. Apparently Fate meant for me to look for my soul mate among a different crowd. I certainly wasn't going back to that village, at any rate.

**…**

I wandered for several days, aimlessly passing through the countryside, pondering what my purpose in life was and waiting for the large bruise on my face to heal. Fate had so far not only deprived me of my soul mate, but also of my dignity. It seemed that everywhere I had turned so far, I was somehow humiliated by boorish idiots who couldn't recognize my superiority.

I yearned for some stability in life, for a home and a love. Destiny was failing me miserably at this point. I mean, if my soul mate wasn't a backward hanyou or a rugged wolf-demon or a perverted monk, really, what sort of man was I supposed to be searching for? Was I so pathetic that even the barrel scrapings weren't fit for me? And then I realized my mistake. Of course the barrel scrapings weren't fit for me! I'd been searching beneath my own stature! With poise and grace such as mine, I was destined for the cream of the crop, not those lowlifes I'd mistakenly given a chance.

Really, it was my own good fortune that they had screwed up their one true shot at paradise. I was meant for bigger and better things. So, I reasoned, because I myself am amazing, my soul mate must logically be the best of the best: strong, powerful, rich, handsome... everything a man should be if he can possibly help it.

I had been foraging in the woods for a week by this point, thoroughly lost and giving my actions completely over to Fate. I awoke one morning with a strange feeling in my rib cage, as though I instinctively knew that the day had at last come. Arising from my bed of moss and leaves, I took myself to a nearby stream to bathe, taking special care to scrub my pale skin until it glowed a creamy rose color. My clothing, by this point, was a little tattered and torn, but I made sure to look tidy nonetheless, like a princess who had fallen upon hard times, I suppose.

Checking my reflection in the clear water, I found myself pleased with the results. My skin was like porcelain, my beautiful silvery-pink tresses flowed becomingly down to my waist, and my lavender-purple eyes held a mysterious gleam within their depths. Today was my day to shine, I remember thinking. Somehow, Fate was going to make everything up to me.

I traveled a bit aimlessly at first, letting my feet choose their own path through the forest. Imagine my surprise when I discovered a clearing in front of me, in which stood the most beautiful creature (save my own reflection, of course) that I had ever laid eyes on. He had knee-length hair of liquid silver, eyes of molten gold, and the sign of the crescent moon emblazoned on his forehead, bearing record of his noble lineage.

**Target Five: Sesshomaru**

I knew at a glance who he was, of course. I had heard enough tales in the village of him and his companions to recognize them on sight. Laughing child, two-headed dragon, disgusting toad, all were there with him. I stooped down among the underbrush, gathering my wits as I observed the group ahead of me and calculated the chances of Lord Sesshomaru being my one true soul mate.

They were very high. After all, he was nearly perfect, and so was I. We were a match made in the heavens, and as I gazed out at him, I could practically feel the red string running between his heart and mine.

Granted, he was Inuyasha's brother, but since all accounts reported that they hated one another, I decided I could overlook such a flaw. How to approach him without seeming too brazen, though...

The answer came to me as another cheerful giggle erupted from the mouth of the small child. What was her name again? Never mind, it didn't really matter. What did matter was that small children needed someone to take care of them, to teach them. That was not man's work. If I could become the little girl's tutor, I would be near Lord Sesshomaru all the time. He would see me in a nurturing role and come to realize my perfection. This time it was going to work. This time, I wouldn't jump the gun by making rash assumptions. This time...

"Show yourself and state your business."

His command took me by surprise, his firm, manly voice sending a shiver down my spine. I remembered a fraction too late how keen were the senses of this land's demons. Taking a deep breath, I stood, brushing the wrinkles from my long skirt. Then, I stepped into the clearing.

Sesshomaru did not turn to watch me, which I found a little unnerving. "I have heard tales of a demon lord who cares for a small human child," I started, my voice clear and controlled. "I came to see for myself, and to offer my services."

"Services?" This got his attention, as he shifted his stance slightly to regard me from the corner of his eyes. By the kami he was beautiful!

"Yes. Tending to the needs of a child can be difficult work."

At this point, the child in question chose to abandon her pursuit of a butterfly in favor of admiring my beauty. "Who are you?" she inquired, stopping five paces in front of me and tilting her head in a manner which, I'm sure, was meant to be adorable. It would have looked cuter if performed by me, of course.

"My name is Lilli," I told her, stooping a little so that we were nearly at eye level. "What's your name?"

"Rin's name is Rin," she chirped redundantly. I noticed with great satisfaction that Sesshomaru had turned his full attention on the both of us. Everything was falling into place.

"Rin, is it? That's such a pretty name. I've come to see about teaching you, Rin."

"Teaching her?" Lord Sesshomaru spoke up as his little toad-servant gawked at his side. That vile creature would be the first thing to go when I was the demon-lord's bride. "What would you presume to teach her?"

I straightened, flipping my fabulous hair over one exquisite shoulder in a move of calculated sex appeal. "What about language?" I suggested.

Rin squealed with delight. "Rin loves language!"

"I can speak many languages and can teach them to you, Rin," I offered magnanimously. "_Tu peut parler français comme moi, mon petit chou._"

The child's eyes lit up. "_Vous parler français, Madame? Monseigneur Sesshomaru avez enseigné Rin à parler français aussi!_"

Well, this was unexpected. But I was not about to be outdone by a six-year-old. "_Kannst du Deutsch?_"

Rin made a face, and for a moment I thought I had triumphed. Then, "_Selbstverständlich kann Rin Deutsches sprechen. Halten__ Sie sie für einen Dummkopf?_"

Now she was irritating me. It was time to pull out the big guns. "Русско?"

"Да. Русский необходим для каждой японской молодой повелительницы для того чтобы поговорить."

"I see." I certainly had not anticipated this turn of events. It had taken me years to perfect my own French, German, and Russian, and there my knowledge of foreign languages was pretty much exhausted. Well, I would just have to change tactics, then. I was well-versed in many other subjects—

"Η κουάφ σας φαίνεται περίεργη. Είναι ότι μια περούκα;" Rin said out of the blue.

My gaze shot over to her stoic guardian. "Was that Greek?"

He shrugged, if you could call such a slight movement of the shoulders a shrug. "She picked that one up on her own."

"Ah. Well, she seems proficient enough in languages, but there are many other subjects I could school her in. Say, physics?"

Rin clapped her hands together joyfully, rattling off something that sounded suspiciously like gibberish. At any rate, it was completely unintelligible to me.

"What did she just say?" I demanded to know.

Sesshomaru quirked an eyebrow. "She just recited Newton's first law of motion. In Swahili."

"B-but," I stuttered, "that law won't be written for another two hundred years!"

"This is fanfiction," Sesshomaru answered with a negligent wave of his graceful hand. "Anachronisms are a mainstay." He had me on that one. After all, I'd used plenty of them myself.

"So, what—Rin's some sort of hyper-intelligent child?"

"She did test off the charts when one of the local villages did WISC-III evaluations last month," the object of my desire allowed, sounding a bit smug about it.

My good eye twitched; I tried to stop it, but failed miserably. "You are to be commended, my Lord," I found myself saying in a sugary voice. I wasn't sure why I was trying so hard to make this work; I think I knew deep down that if this fell through, if he wasn't meant to be my soul mate, I would shatter just as the Shikon jewel had shattered. "You're raising a very gifted young lady. Still, there are many things a woman could teach her that you cannot."

He considered my words for a moment before conceding, "True."

My heart leapt in joy. This was going to work! I was already losing myself in his molten stare, dreaming of his touch... I didn't see the butterfly land on my sleeve, but Rin did.

"¡Mariposa!" she cried, leaping forward and barreling into me. As I crashed to the ground, I felt something dislodge and clatter down beside me.

"Oh, no," I uttered before I could stop myself. "My wooden leg!"

Rin quickly disentangled herself from me, scooting away and staring at my false appendage in horror and confusion. I could feel Lord Sesshomaru's eyes on me as well, and I could not meet his gaze. Tears welled up in my eyes, falling in sparkling drops down my alabaster cheeks.

"Now you know my secret, my Lord," I sobbed piteously. "Like you, I am an amputee! Our bodies have been similarly broken—" My words broke off in a hiss of pain as searing lashes burst across my back in a flurry of wind.

"What, I'm ten minutes late and you start courting gutter trash?" said a voice from behind me. A _female_ voice.

Sesshomaru was looking past me, toward the speaker. "Kagura," he acknowledged. Crap. Not only did I have a rival, but she was seeing me in a very compromising position. And on top of that, she... she had...

"Y-you attacked me!" I accused, feeling the trickle of blood down my back as I whirled to glare at her.

Her red eyes held a bored expression. "That was only child's play," she replied with a wave of her fan. "Now beat it, or your leg won't be the only limb you're missing."

Her expression was merciless; I had no choice. Snatching up my prosthetic, I crawled back toward the forest, never feeling lower in my life.

"Why didn't you kill her?" I heard the demon lord inquire as I slowly put distance between us.

"Eh, it's more fun watching her try to slither away. Why didn't _you_ kill her?"

"I didn't want to traumatize Rin. Although I suppose it would have been the perfect opportunity to start our next Anatomy lesson…"

That was it. Fate had screwed me over enough already. I had played the fool one time too many. I felt my heart blackening in anger and malice, my insides being consumed by all the darker emotions that I had previously suppressed. Tears coursed down my cheeks in unceasing rivulets as I thought on all the embarrassment I had suffered in this strange new land. Bitterness welled within me, cresting in a powerful wave that consumed my very soul.

It was time to take Fate into my own hands, I decided, time to get revenge on every person who had thus humiliated me. And I knew of one ally that could help me attain that revenge.

**Target Six: Naraku**

It was with some difficulty that I located Naraku's hideout. I'll admit that my appearance upon my arrival there was less than perfect. I was limping, my clothing was in ribbons, my hair was askew, and my glass eye was slightly off-center, but by this point, I didn't care. Vengeance was my fuel. I stepped inside the dark castle with all the confidence in the world. Here I would not fail. Failure was not an option.

"Who dares to intrude?" a sinister voice inquired from the shadows.

I turned and faced it boldly. "My name is Lilliputia Daintyfoot. I have come seeking the demon Naraku."

The shadows shifted, and a man stepped forward, still swathed in dimness. I could make out the glow of his deep red eyes, though; at another point in my life, this would have frightened me, but no more. My resolve never wavered.

"And what do you seek from this Naraku?" he inquired, his handsome features twisting into a cruel smile.

I straightened my shoulders proudly. "I have come to swear my allegiance to you, Lord Naraku, to help you complete the jewel and destroy Inuyasha and his band of companions!" I meant every word of it. They would die for the humiliation they caused me, and I would use the power of the jewel to rule this strange land with Naraku at my side. My once-pure heart had been tainted black; there was no turning back now.

Naraku looked me over, walking a slow circle around me as he scrutinized my every inch, sizing me up. For a brief, terrifying moment, I feared that he would cast me out, just as everyone before. But then, to my great astonishment and delight—

"Yes. I think that perhaps I have use for you, my dear Lilliputia. May I call you Lilli?"

I felt tears of gratitude and joy spring to my eyes, and I reveled in the overwhelming fulfillment that flooded my soul. At long last, I had found my place! I would be a slave to Destiny no more!

I had truly arrived!

**Epilogue**

It is a little known fact that one Saturday a month in Sengoku Jidai is subject to a truce among the seekers of the Shikon jewel. No one recalled just how the tradition came into effect, just that they all would gather together in the field by the Bone-Eater's Well to fraternize with one another. Weapons were left sheathed and out of arm's reach as everyday enemies sat down together for a nice picnic. It was always pot-luck, of course, and they rotated the responsibility of supplying place settings and utensils.

Really, it was an event to look forward to, a brief respite from that daily grind of "Give me that shard! No, you give me _that_ shard!"

This particular Saturday was mild and balmy, a light breeze ruffling the tall grasses of the field. The smell of roast pig filled the air, originating from a small fire where Inuyasha dutifully turned the spit for his contribution to the day's meal. Kagome climbed out of the well bearing dozens of beautiful onigiri and smiled at Kikyo, who had just arrived with her traditional Death by Chocolate Cake.

Everyone was gathering for what was going to be another wonderful company picnic.

Soon enough, the activity was well under way, with Totosai clamoring for more of Kaede's crusty bread, Miroku entreating Sango to just sample something from the platter of oysters and figs he had brought, and everyone uniformly refusing to try Jaken's watercress sandwiches. Rin and Shippo played among the grass as the others lounged on blankets, chatting and tasting the various foods. Particular compliments were paid to Sango's potato salad and Kagura's whipped jello dessert, and there was still Sesshomaru's raspberry sorbet to look forward to.

"Hey," Inuyasha suddenly spoke up during a lull in the conversation, "whatever happened to that Lillipewy Dangerhoof, or whatever her name was?"

Confused glances were exchanged as several people voiced their own lack of knowledge.

"Kukuku," the sinister figure nearest the well laughed, and all eyes shifted toward Naraku. "She came to me desiring to be of service in your destruction. I have put her to good use."

Apprehension rose thick in the air. It was an unspoken rule that all their schemes and ulterior motives were left behind for this one monthly event.

"Um, should you be telling us that?" Kagome inquired tentatively. "I mean, if we talk about it on our day of truce, it won't really be a surprise when you spring your next insidious plot on us. Kind of takes the fun out of it."

Naraku, though, merely laughed again. "You are mistaken. It's already a surprise. Lilli is dead."

Many of the guests feigned shock and concern. Those who had never met this Lilli merely frowned at the exchange, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Obviously this was not the end of the story.

"What? You killed her?" Kagome inquired, the only person to sound even halfway genuine.

"Yes," said Naraku, "and as promised, I put her to good use. I didn't waste a single part of her. Her robes are the napkins draped across your laps. Her bones were fashioned into the chopsticks you're eating with. I had her rat's nest of hair woven into a couple of the blankets, Shippo and Rin are playing with her glass eye. I'm even wearing her corset as we speak..."

All eyes had shifted from Naraku's elegant picnic-ware to his savory contribution of Steak Tartar at the edge of the silvery-pink blanket. Everyone had liberally partaken of the delectable dish, complimenting its unique flavor...

"I call it 'Raw Sueage,'" Naraku declared with an evil glint in his eyes. "Seconds, anyone?"

A horrified moment of silence ensued, in which many picnic-goers unconsciously swallowed their mouthful of food, wondering if it was about to come back up. The tense atmosphere was broken at last by Koga, who picked up a meat-laden cracker from his plate.

"Eh, waste not, want not," he shrugged, popping it into his mouth.

And really, who could argue with such well-founded logic?

**The End**

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A/N: I've been having trouble of late trying to write anything serious. Combine that with an unforeseen afternoon off work and nothing better to do, and this is the result. I don't even know if this is at all funny, as my own sense of humor is somewhat warped. (Once again, All hail the mutant plot bunnies!) **

**Also, I should apologize to any native speakers of the foreign languages used (and no doubt butchered) in this fic. AltaVista's babelfish translator is responsible for most of it, so credit/blame goes to them.**

**Ciao!**

**-Tish**


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